He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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