i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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