So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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