Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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