You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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