Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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