why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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