I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
