You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
