How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
