Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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