Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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