Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
