her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
