Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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