it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He felt like a one man threesome
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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