Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
