I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
