Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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