using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize