If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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