My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
