You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize