Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
