So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
