I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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