im about as happy as oj after his trial
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
