He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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