Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
