"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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