I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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