He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
