my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
