Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
