i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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