I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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