Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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