I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I touched a dick in church today
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
