All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
