THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
