your room smells of hookers.
And success
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
