My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize