I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
