She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
