i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
