I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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