if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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