none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
