i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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