I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
