this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
