Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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