the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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