guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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