Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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