you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
