fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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