my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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