What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I love you.
Bad choice
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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