WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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