walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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