Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
