Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
